If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
