remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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