I should be sponsored by Trojan
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
