I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
