Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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