Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
