nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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