She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
