Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
