so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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