Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
