Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
