i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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