sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
