In the future we'll all be gay
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
