Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
