I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
