haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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