I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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