you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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