I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
