Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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