last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
