Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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