Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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