No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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