my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
