he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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