HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
