It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
