Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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