so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
