I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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