look no pants
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
