oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
