Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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