i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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