I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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