he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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