I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
