I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
