girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
