Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
