i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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