I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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