whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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