I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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