I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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