If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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