I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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